Intervention

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Three blond women

Three blonde women were stranded on an island. While trying to dig their way out, one of them came accross a buried lamp. Suddenly a genie appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish, in return for saving him.

The first blonde woman asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island.

The second blonde woman asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. She is instantly turned into a black haired woman. She then builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The genie turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

Three Sons

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

In the last election

Source: sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net via Al on Pinterest

Daddy long legs

A little girl was playing in the garden next to her father when she noticed two large spiders on top of each other, apparently mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy long legs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden."

Ugly Baby

A lady with her baby is sitting in a bus beside the driver... "What an ugly baby!", said the driver to the lady. Feeling insulted, she moved to another seat and murmurred a few things under her breathe. The man next to her asked, "What happened?" "The driver just insulted me!" she cried. Sympathetic, the man offered, "he shouldn't have insulted you! Go, get his number. I'll hold your monkey for you."

Funny fail april 2012

The smell of cookies

An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died... He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies. With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie, his favourite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula. "Why?" he whispered. "Why did you do that?" "They're for the funeral," she replied.