A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six!" he said.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Three blond women
Three blonde women were stranded on an island. While trying to dig their way out, one of them came accross a buried lamp. Suddenly a genie appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish, in return for saving him.
The first blonde woman asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The second blonde woman asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. She is instantly turned into a black haired woman. She then builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The genie turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Three Sons
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Monday, May 7, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Daddy long legs
A little girl was playing in the garden next to her father when she noticed two large spiders on top of each other, apparently mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy long legs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden."
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